are you still at the devil's house?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
