I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
