Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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