So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
