I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i think im in europe. pls send help
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
