i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
