Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
