Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
