Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
