We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
