WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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