I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
