so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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