I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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