Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
