Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
