1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
