I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
