I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize