We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
