we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
