great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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