i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
