You made me cry and you don't even care
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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