I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
where are my eyebrows?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
