hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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