It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize