I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
