Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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