Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
