Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
