If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
