I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
