Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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