I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How external is "for external use only"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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