I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
