I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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