I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
