y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
