The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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