One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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