But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were trust falling into bushes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
