OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
