If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
