i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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