So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
