Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
