It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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