I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
