I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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