i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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