omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
