I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
