Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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