I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
