I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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