I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
