Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
