I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
