why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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