your parents love me but you hate me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
