The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
