One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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