dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
