I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
