did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
