For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
