You can't motorboat a personality
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
