I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
