you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
