Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
