Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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